unanswered prayers

In my darkest moment, my soul cried out and I prayed...

"Lord, just let this loneliness hurry up and finish me off!

This dying slowly...

One soul-crushing moment at a time, every single day,

While everyone watches from afar…

Feels like cruel and unusual punishment

I loathe every part of myself

I’m sick of the disjointed, shattered reflection in my mirror

I’m tired of trying to climb endless mountains to no avail.

I always end up back here...

In the same grave I’ve already dug

I exhaust all around me!

A blackhole sucking the light out

I am trapped by fear

And choking on self doubt

This is no way to live

I pray to You, God, that You would take me now!

Just end my pain;

Kindly,

Swiftly,

And thoroughly...

Not one person would miss me desperately!

No one ever wants all of me

I fear no one ever will

No one came looking as I suffered here in silence all alone. Trying to close the gapping hole nothing is big enough to fill.

Hoping to stop the pain, nothing can ever completely soothe.

Wishing away the never-ending waves of despair...

It keeps coming for me,

Again and again and again, relentlessly!

Have pity, my Lord,

And take me mercifully and fully into the abyss!

Then maybe, just maybe...

I would finally find there...

My lost peace... Amen."

...Sometimes, I am grateful for unanswered prayers.

-Lissette Hand